Domestic Violence During Lockdown

“A house where a woman is unsafe is not a home.”

The COVID-19 pandemic along with the nationwide lockdown has everyone on edge. It has drastically changed our lives in such a short time and we’ve been talking about issues that are being affected by it, such as education, economy, and mental health even. I am really happy with the progress our country is making by addressing mental health. But there are still many topics which need a lot of attention. One of them is DOMESTIC ABUSE.

The definition of domestic abuse is, “A pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain control over another intimate partner.”

It refers to various types of abuse such as physical abuse, emotional abuse, psychological abuse, economic abuse, sexual abuse, threats, stalking, and cyberstalking. The victims are of different ages and genders – wives, husbands, children, parents, etc.

Domestic abuse is still a taboo in our country, more so than sexual assault or rape, because many victims are ashamed and condemn themselves for the violence inflicted on them. They become ‘very protective’ of their partners/abusers, rationalizing their actions by convincing themselves that, “He’s just really stressed because of his work”, or “I didn’t have the dinner ready in time.” The main reason for this is because they were groomed.

‘Grooming’ is a manipulative process used by a sexual (or other) predator for the purpose of creating a sense of trust with a targeted person prior to the act of actual victimization. Due to this, victims often feel guilty and humiliated, and hence, just pretend that everything is absolutely fine. They believe they are the only ones being victimized and as stated before, take responsibility for the actions of their abusers.

You may have a question as to why do these victims STAY with their abusive partners if they don’t want to.
“Why don’t they just leave?” you may ask.

Sometimes, it’s not that simple. Owing to the aforementioned grooming technique, the innocent stay with their abusers, submit to their demands, and push away others who are trying to help. They are highly vulnerable.

Moreover, especially in third-world countries, the abuser provides for the victim. So, even if he/she wanted to leave, they cannot because they do not have any place to go to. They would most likely yield to their partner than to open up and be shamed for it. That is how many victims feel. They think nobody cares for them and no one would understand what they’re dealing with. So they refuse to seek out help. Also, many of them do not even know that whatever their spouse is doing is a punishable offense, and therefore, do not reach out to the authorities. They need more awareness.

 

Now, let us see the statistics of domestic violence. They were already pretty serious before this pandemic. It is estimated that more than 10 million people experience domestic abuse in some form or the other and that is only in the United States of America. Owing to the lockdown, the UN says that cases have increased by more than 20% around the world. People are trapped with their abusers for the entire day and all the spouse’s stress and tensions are released on them.

Let us have a look at India. In 2020, between March 25 to May 31, 1,477 complaints of domestic violence were made by women. This 68 day period recorded more complaints than those received between March and May in the previous 10 years.
About 86% of women who experienced violence never sought help, and 77% of the victims did not even mention the incident(s) to anyone. Among the 14.3% of victims who sought help, only 7% reached out to the relevant authorities- the police, doctors, lawyers, or social service organizations. But more than 90% of the victims sought help only from their immediate family.

The report published by the National Legal Services Authority (NALSA) documents cases from the start of the lockdown i.e, March 25 till May 25. In just a month, a total of 144 cases of domestic abuse were reported in Uttarakhand, 79 from Haryana, and 69 from Delhi. Women in Telangana are suffering a lot too. As per cases registered through Sakhi One-Stop Centers in April, 89% of the total number of cases registered were of domestic violence.

 

Domestic abuse can take a huge toll on the victims. Their human rights are repeatedly violated. Most of them face several physical and mental health difficulties such as the risk of chronic disease, depression, sexual disorders, PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder), and substance abuse.
The sufferers are already held back from mingling with society by the victimizers but now, due to the lockdown, there are fewer options to find safety or help for the victims.

So, they must be protected during these tough times. Keep your eyes peeled for signs of violence around you. Reach out for help when you encounter it. But be very careful when interfering with such a situation as you can accidentally aggravate the abuser and worsen it.

This lockdown feels like it is slowly sucking the souls out of us all. Much like the Dementors from the Harry Potter series. Well, if they were real, they would be having a massive feast right now because of the gloom and death that has taken hold of our world. So, try your best to keep your head above the water and do not let others around you drown into the bottomless ocean too. Good Luck! ❤

 

 

Why Feminism?

My coach said I ran like a girl. I said if he ran a little faster, he could too. – Mia Hamm

How many times have you witnessed discrimination in your daily life? How many times have you encountered sexist comments that made you, yourself believe that you are strong, if you are a boy and you are weak, if you are a girl, both mentally and physically? This patriarchy has been embedded into our daily lives and society has constantly been telling what we, as people, can and cannot do. Well, all I know for sure is that this has to stop!

To stand up for equality is what we call FEMINISM. Feminism by definition is the advocacy of women’s rights on the ground of equality of the sexes. But it is not only limited to that. How many times have we heard the sentence “Don’t cry! Boys are not supposed to be weak!” or “You throw just like a girl”? These are the most typical sexist comments. Here, we refuse to accept that boys have feelings and that, to be compared to a girl should be taken as an insult.

A FEMINIST is a person who believes in equal rights and opportunities to each and every person. It also advocates that boys are allowed to feel vulnerable and that women can feel confident in themselves. Many women, AND men for that matter, such as Emma Watson, Meghan Markle, Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie, Harry Styles, Ezra Miller, Will Smith and many others are fighting for women’s rights and are role models to thousands of little kids all around the world.

These days feminism has been gaining major popularity, but people, thinking that it is dis-empowering men made it such an unpopular word. To those accustomed to privilege, equality feels like oppression. We, as responsible citizens, need to destroy the idea that men should respect women because we are their mothers, sisters and daughters and reinforce the idea that they should respect us because WE ARE HUMANS TOO! Women should not have value ONLY when attached to the men in their lives.

The greatest lesson a woman can learn is that since day one, she’s already had everything she needs within her herself.  It’s the world that convinced her she did not. At last, this movement is not trying to make women strong. They already are. It’s just trying to make the whole world see it. ❤

 

Her Unheard Screams – Part 2

She became a teacher so she could inspire young girls and tell them they can do anything they ever want.

It was a beautiful summer day and the birds were serenading melodiously. The sweltering sun beat down hard on the first day of June. Shivani was ecstatic as this was her first day at a job. She was now a qualified teacher. She stood in front of her mirror, checking her outfit – a 3/4 sleeve, colorful kurti paired with a dark blue patyala – was appropriate for a teacher.

After she had her breakfast, she bade her parents goodbye. “Wait”, her mom said as she came closer, wiping her hands on her saree. Shivani noticed that her mother’s eyes were tingling with tears. She hugged Shivani and whispered,

“My child, you’ve grown too fast…. All the very best and make us proud, beta.”

“Thanks, ma”, Shivani replied, “I am going to be the best teacher in this village.” She smiled confidently at her parents and left to school on her scooter. It was a 10 minute ride and as soon as she reached the building she made her way to Principals’ office who gave her her timetable and wished her luck. As she was walking to the staff room, she was memorising her timetable. Her first class was 4B.

‘Yep, you’re ready for this Shivani’, she thought and made her way into the classroom. But instantly she met with a shocking site. There were no girls in this classroom and all the boys were either on the tables, fighting or on the ground rolling with each other. She hadn’t imagined this – a classroom with no girls. When they saw her, all of them went back to their places.

“Good morning children”, she said sternly. “My name is Shivani and I am your new English teacher. From now on, in my class, there will be no fighting or jumping around”. “Yes, teacher!”, was the chorus.

That whole day, she did not see a single girl in that school. She became a teacher so that she could inspire young girls and tell them they can do anything they ever want. No way is she teaching in a school with no girls.

At the end of the day, she inquired from the Principal about this problem. He said that educating girls was considered taboo in this village. She couldn’t believe it. This is the 21st century! She couldn’t believe that there are still villages this backward.

She wanted to change it.

So, on Sunday she left on her scooty to the nearby village from where most of the  students come. She went to each and every house to inquire about girls, but till now she did not meet a single girl. She got a bad feeling, maybe this was all because of female foeticide.

Finally she came to a house where, she suspected, a girl lived. She could tell because of the clothes that were hanging in front of the house. It was Karuna’s home. She nervously knocked on the door. There were jitters in her stomach. How is she going to persuade these people to send the girl to school?

Karuna opened the door and in an instant you could see the sparkle in her eyes. She was seeing the woman she always wanted to be. She stepped back and called her father.

“Good morning, sir”, Shivani wished. Karuna’s mom came too, holding Sonu. Tarun came and stood by his sister.

“Are your sons going to school?”

“Yes”, answered Karuna’s father.

“Then what about your daughter?”

The family stood dumbfounded. Nobody ever talked about a girl going to school. He shook his head slowly, confused.

“Then, you are getting to join her in our school, where she will receive the best education”, beamed Shivani.

“Am not joining her in any school, excuse you.”

“But, why not?  She will have a good future ahead and will become an asset to your family”, she tried to argue.

“Because WE don’t want to get kicked out out of this village!” “But-”

“I want to study, papa”, Karuna whispered slowly but it was enough for all of them to hear. Her family was shocked and Shivani was visibly impressed. Karuna could see her opportunities flying in the air, and she wanted to seize them. She went and stood by the lady.

“Problem solved then”, Shivani beamed.  They couldn’t say no.

Karuna was ecstatic. She was the first girl to go to school and it was wonderful!

Next day, Shivani took Karuna to school with a handful of books and a bag. Karuna couldn’t believe it. She tried pinching herself, because this can’t be real, can it? She was in a school and she came here to study.

“Now, everyone, this is Karuna, your new friend who’s going to be studying with you. No teasing and treat her as an equal because she IS“, introduced Shivani. They all nodded in unison and Karuna’s cheeks were flushed with excitement.

Over the month, more girls started going to the school, albeit reluctantly. But they soon found out that it was all for good. This movement spread to the other villages like a wildfire and the schools can now hear the sound of anklets, when the girls run around happily, thankful for their new freedom.

The teacher, Shivani and the first female student, Karuna became famous and went down in history, spreading awareness and educating the people about the rights of a girl.

THE END

 

Importance Of Self Defense

 When it comes to self defense, it is better to have the power and not use it than to need it and not have it.

The ability to protect oneself physically from harm is a basic human right that should be accessible to everyone. Self defense is an often overlooked skill in today’s society, but it is of utmost importance.

We generally hear different stories about rape, murder, kidnapping, burglary etc in the news everyday. There always won’t be help at hand. You need to learn to defend yourself. Self defense is not only for women who need to protect themselves but also for men.

In self defense there are NO RULES!! If you are in danger, in trouble, or in anyway threatened, you do anything and everything in your power to get away and get to safety.

Here are a few reasons why self defense is important:

• To Protect Yourself : There are a large number of people out there in the world who can cause you harm and hurt you, but if you know some basic self defense techniques, then you have better chances of keeping yourself safe at all times.
• Boosts Your Confidence : Knowing that you learnt to protect yourself from harm, you boost your morale and gain confidence you never knew you had.
• Improves Physical and Mental Strength : Learning martial arts improves your physical and mental strength. You develop balance, speed and overall body coordination. It surely teaches you to face your opponent.

As they say it is not called violence when it come to self defense; it is called INTELLIGENCE.

Her Unheard Screams – Part 1

But, even though she understood everything perfectly, she couldn’t help but crave for more…..

---

There was a girl of 13 named Karuna in a small village called Polampuri in northern Chattisgarh. She was tall, dark and had beautiful black eyes in which, if looked deeply, can get you lost in a completely different universe. She held a glint in her eye and had a softness in her heart. She was the eldest of her family – she had two brothers. One of 9 named Tarun and the other of 3 called Sonu. Her father was small merchant and her mother was a labourer who worked in a field. This left Karuna in charge of the house when her parents left for work and Tarun left for school. She had to cook and feed Sonu, who is not in school yet, but would start next year.

She liked her life. Her parents loved her. They were not like those who were of the thought that only boys could bring laurels to the family. She had two lovely brothers and she always felt good to be the eldest and take care of them. Everyday when her parents left for work, she would drown herself in her own thoughts after tucking Sonu to sleep. She was happy for her life, but this didn’t stop her from wondering how it would’ve been if she was allowed to go to school.

Karuna loved to study. She even knew some of the alphabets, thanks to Tarun, and she prides herself in it. She had the upper hand in her group of friends.

But…she craved for more.

She wanted to go to school and learn everything she could. But she couldn’t….and this was not her parents’ fault.

They wanted to send her to school the moment she showed interest in Tarun’s books. They didn’t matter about her age. There was a co-ed school nearby, which provided free education. This is the school which Tarun goes to and Sonu would go too in a matter of months. But they were scared. They were not a rich family. They were kind of like lower-middle class and earn just enough to provide 2 square meals for their kids. But no, money wasn’t the problem.

It was the society which bothered them.

They lived in a society where the education of girls was still considered taboo. They lived in a society where the sarpanch always promotes boys’ education but says that a girl’s place is in her kitchen. So, they were terrified of rejection. They were afraid that, maybe, the society would abandon them for going against the rules.

And Karuna understood that. Hence, she did not persist anymore. But even though she understood everything perfectly, she couldn’t help but crave for more, more English alphabets, more Mathematical tables and more knowledge. She had an ardent desire to go to school, which can never be fulfilled.

To be continued…

Mirror, Mirror on the Wall

I usually don’t write poems, but let me start my blog with one.

Mirror, mirror on the wall,

how I make you look pretty and tall.

Made of glass I reflect all,

where I will let you adjust your shawl.

Breaking me gives you bad luck,

and I make you run amok.

I will make toddlers confused,

and let them leave amused.

I can split light,

You can use me on a satellite.

I can reflect sound,

I can show you the whole background.

I am the mirror, mirror on the wall.

You can break me with a baseball.

You can clean me with ethanol,

where I will make you look like a doll.

The Journey Begins

Thanks for joining me!

Good company in a journey makes the way seem shorter. — Izaak Walton